A Hallmark Christmas movie where the successful blonde woman from the big city goes back to her tiny hometown for the holidays. Fresh out of a failed engagement, she inevitably reconnects with her high school sweetheart.

But stay with me here…

Instead of owning a struggling Christmas tree farm or a quaint bakery, he’s a serial killer. She finds out, is weirdly into it, and the two of them spend the next week falling back in love while enthusiastically murdering the entire town.

The sheriff starts closing in, so for the grand finale they disguise themselves as Santa and Mrs. Claus, hijack the town’s Christmas Eve parade, and go on one last glorious horse-drawn killing spree before doing a Thelma and Louise off the side of the mountain.

It’s called Slay Ride.