So, do you name your bikes? Your cars? Your boat? It’s a controversial subject, it seems. And there’s no in-between, you’re either a namer or a non-namer. I find the namer crowd likes to have fun with it. And the non-namer crowd, well they seem to get pretty surly about it.

“Why would anyone?”

“That’s just dumb.”

Well I am FOR SURE a bike namer. I think it’s great. And sometimes, the bikes they just… speak to you. They tell you. When you know, you know. I’ve had more than a few bikes over the years. My friends joke that when a chain wears out, I just get a new bike instead of replacing it. Some years, they’re not wrong. I went back to about 2012, and put together a compendium of the bikes I’ve owned and their monikers.

Natalia

This 2025 Yeti SB160 just sort of fell in my lap. I had actually bought the XL SB160 below a few months prior to finding this gem, but finding this one sealed Babe’s fate of getting rehomed. As of July 2025 I only have a few rides on this beauty, but she’s a stunner. Originally named for Natasha Romanoff (or maybe Natasha Fatale?) and now going by Black Widow’s given name Natalia Alianovna Romanova, she’s as deadly as she is is stealthy. She goes, bud. I’m really going to get along with her, can’t wait to learn what she has to teach me.

Babe the Big Blue Ox

I only owned this bike for a few months, acquired right before total hip replacement surgery in May 2025. The price was right, but the bike is an XL and it was just a bit too unwieldy. It was never “officially” named, but Babe the Big Blue Ox would have suited it well.

Gamora

I loved my first SB150 so much, that I got a second one. This one is a 2022, named for Thanos’ adopted daughter Gamora in the Marvel universe. Specifically Zoe Saldaña’s portrayal, if one is curious. Also keeps with the supreme universe beings theme of the first SB150, this bike revealed secrets to me that were entirely unexpected. Plus, there’s just something about strong female characters from comic books that seems to work for me as bike names.

Cannoli

At first I wanted to name this 2020(?) Knolly Cache gravel bike something like “Papa Midnite” after a character in the Hellblazer series, due to the deep sparkly purple paint. But it just didn’t feel right. I kept calling it “the Cannoli” as a play on the brand Knolly, and it stuck.

Rhino

I never really got along with this 2022 Yeti SB130LR, it was a great bike but a bit too small and too wiggly for me. While it never really got a proper name, I did refer to it by the paint color name Rhino. Good enough.

Neckbeard

Big, heavy, fat, slow, ugly, and cumbersome. But also a gentle soul, and hilarious. That’s Neckbeard.

Leeloo

Like her namesake Leeloominaï Lekatariba-Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat de Sebat (aka “Leeloo”) I am convinced that this bike is one of the Supreme Beings of the Universe. This 2019 Yeti SB150 unlocked so much riding for me. Leeloo Dallas Multipass!

Lorax

Advocate Cycles Lorax, so “naming” it Lorax is definitely cheating. But Lorax is already a pretty dang cool name, so that’s what I went with.

Clarice

Named for the character in Silence of the Lambs, but not really for any particular reason. The name just seemed to fit, in some existential weird way. Clarice was a 2018 (Maybe 2017?) Yeti SB5.5, and was my first 29er full suspension bike. I have a lot of fond memories riding this bike, in a lot of great places, with a lot of great people.

Felicia

My second Goldilocks wheeled bike, the Yeti SB6c was SO fast back in 2016 that when she’s at the top and ready to drop, all the other riders could only say “Bye, Felicia!”

Elwood

I probably have a more complete picture somewhere, but this one is pretty good. Elwood is a 2014 Niner ROS and was my first “tall” wheel aka 29er bike. The tallness combined with skinny steel tubes and blue color inspired me to name him after Elwood Blues.

Alan

Alan was one cool customer. Also known as The Silver Surfer, Alan (emphasis on the first syllable) was an old Alan (emphasis on the second syllable) CX frame that I sorta kinda morphed into a townie bike. Kinda wish I still had it, though my current townies are pretty dope as well.

Jenna

I cannot believe I have no pictures of my 2014 Yeti SB5c! It was my first Goldilocks-wheeled bike, matte black frame with a bunch of apple green anodized components. Real pretty bike, she was. Named for actress Jenna Jameson, because why not.

Nigel

I was the first paying Guerilla Gravity customer to take possession of one of their frames. I got this GG/DH back in 2012 or 2013, decked it out in as much black componentry as possible. Nigel is a references to Spinal Tap, because this bike was None More Black. Potato cam for the vibes.

Socks

This 2012 Yeti SB66c was my first carbon mountain bike, and probably the first bike I named. A friend of mine told me a long time ago that carbon bikes were basically just made from “tube socks and super glue”—and the name just stuck.